Read these war stories and laugh with the Spinsterbabes who have triumphed over the advice, set ups and expectations of others.
I’ve been a widow for over 20 years and think my story is fairly interesting. I would consider myself a spinster but my babe days have probably come and gone. Being single all these years, I’ve had every question possible asked me, including have you become a lesbian by my family. My true interest is how we can let young girls / women know that it’s OK either way. Having someone or not, you can be happy and fulfilled either way.
For a very long time, my dad would actually call me up and ask me if I was in love and should he call the caterer, and I would say, “No, Dad. I’ll let you know when it’s time to call the caterer. You know, don’t worry. I’ll be the first one to tell you.” I’ve done things, like I’ve traveled to Africa and climbed Mount Kilimanjaro and I’ve taken a three and a half month trip practically around the world on my own, and I’m a very successful businesswoman and have taken care of myself financially for quite a long time, and I’ve participated in triathlons and half marathons, but I honestly think that people think that I’m a failure because I’m not in a relationship. And I just think it’s quite interesting and actually funny that that’s what people really put a value on. And I think you have to be a really strong individual in order to not take that so seriously, not to put your own self worth on that.
I have a friend and her family is always asking her, “Well, do you have a, a boyfriend?” Or “When are you getting married –why haven’t you found somebody?” And she feels so depressed that she hasn’t found someone for herself.
My parents are Pakistani, and they’re first generation immigrants. So I come from a culture where marriage is very much a set institution. And my parents always said to me to get yourself a career, then married and then we’ll die, we don’t mind dying then because then all of the things that you need in life are there. So it’s always been kind of like the final thing you must attain to have a complete life.
Funny enough, from the beginning I did not entertain many thoughts of marriage. In fact, I thought a lot about what would it be like if I were single. My dream as a child was to be either a race car driver or a spy. So this idea of this fast life which like takes you all around the world, and is so sort of consuming — I could never imagine having to raise kids or doing the traditional things that I felt came with marriage, in the midst of driving my fast cars and competing with men. And I’ve seen my mom make rotis, this sort of flat, round bread. And my mom used to make those for us for lunch growing up, lunch, dinner. And I’ve always seen that as a sort confinement of hers. Even though she’s a career woman, she had the career, she’s really into studying, she’s really into building yourself as a person and having pursuits –she thinks that’s very important — but that corner in our kitchen by the window where she’d sit and make those rotis, I felt like that was a corner she was stuck in. And that was a corner I never wanted to inherit from her.
When I was little, I sort of envisioned me being in this house that had a very open kitchen and very airy, and friendly with the neighbors, living next to friends that I knew. And a couple of kids and a great guy. I definitely thought that that was where I was going to end up. And life just took different turns along the way, and that’s not where I am right now. I did not envision traveling like I have or doing lots of the things that I’ve done that I think have made me a person of strong character and has given me connections to people and cultures that I never would have thought I would have even thought about. So it’s kind of interesting. I still have my mother’s wedding dress. I never ever tried it on. I don’t know if it would even come close to fitting me or if I even would like it. But I have it, and maybe some day I’ll use it.
There are people who feel it is their duty to set me up with men. I’m not unhappy and I’m not asking them to, but if it’s someone nice that’s great. Once an acquaintance called and said, “I’ve got someone I’m going to set you up with.” And I said, “Really?” And he said,”Yes. He’s a little arrogant but I think it’s all right.” And I’m thinking, “I am so busy. Why do I want to go out with an arrogant man?” And I went and he was!